The cost of surviving a job
Recognize when you have to put on a mask and stifle who you really are.
You stop recognizing yourself when you’re at work. You say “I’m fine” even when you’re not. You become quieter in meetings. Less creative. More compliant.
You started your career with dreams of climbing to the top of your field through hard work and talent. But now it feels futile.
At what point did survival become the goal instead of growth?
We say that people don’t quit bad jobs, they quit bad managers. I think they quit bad jobs also because, at some point, your manager can’t protect you. The company might be failing, or you see other warning signs, even if you have a good relationship with your boss.
But there’s also a third scenario. People quit bad jobs, bad bosses, and bad versions of themselves. They had to turn into something else to survive the work environment. Maybe it was palatable for a long time in exchange for job security, but eventually, you break.
Survival mode reshapes your identity
I’ve only watched a few episodes of the TV show “Severance” but I know the premise. The characters have a complete separation between work life and home life. They forget who they are at work and vice versa.
Real life doesn’t have that option. If we have to become “something else” at work, it eventually creeps into home life.
Think of the following work scenarios:
You become overly cautious or self-silencing
You stopped sharing ideas
You start measuring your worth in productivity
You keep things even-keeled through compliance
When I was young, I was convinced I was going to have an impact at work. When I finally earned an executive role, I realized that none of my ideas mattered. The CEO wasn’t interested in anyone’s opinions but his own.
My boss gave me the “secret”: make him believe that your ideas are his ideas. He’ll like the idea a lot more if he thinks he came up with it.
Eventually, I stopped sharing my ideas. I stopped pointing out flaws in the company or suggesting ways to improve, because nothing ever changed. Our weekly executive meetings were a parroting of “yes, sir” as the CEO ran through his list of priorities.
Except I wasn’t the type of person to keep my ideas to myself. Up until that point, I’d been the “mover and shaker” within the small company — the person who saw things that could be better, and figured out ways to implement change. My direct boss always supported me. But once I got to the top-top, that all changed. And I had to change who I was as a result.
Gallup’s State of the Global Workforce report found that 62% of employees are not engaged and 17% are actively disengaged. Sure, many probably hate their jobs or are unfulfilled and have no reason to be engaged. But within that collective 77% of employees, I have to think that some are stifled because they have to be “something else” at work — something that is incompatible with who they are as a person. They’ve negotiated away a part of their identity in exchange for job security or survival.
Leaving work is recovery
Culturally (at least in the U.S.), we’ve moved past the point where we see quitting a job as a failure. There are far too many toxic companies in the world.
But I think an understated reason for leaving is “I don’t like who I’ve become at work.” This might be muddled up in “values misalignment,” but that’s not always the same thing. It could even be examples like “The company is pushing AI hard, and I don’t see the practical use cases, yet somehow I have to be excited about this thing that actually terrifies me.” That’s fair and valid. Company leaders are throwing themselves at the feet of AI without really understanding its limitations. Employees may feel like they have to feign compliance with AI policies — and that feels icky.
(Also: there’s data to back up how employees are feeling. An MIT report found that 95% of generative AI pilots fail within companies.)
There’s a big difference between adapting to a changing world (necessary for growth) and recognizing that work is headed in the wrong direction. AI or otherwise.
When you leave a work situation where you haven’t been yourself, you have to unlearn a lot of survival habits. You have to learn to speak up again. You also may need to rediscover joy and curiosity in your work.
If you have to constantly shrink yourself in order to survive, you’re betraying who you are.
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