What we can control at work
And what we can't.
Sometimes, my kids don't adjust well when things don't go according to plan. Our family has always been two things: low-key (we're not overly scheduled) and highly organized. When we travel, I create printed copies of our itinerary so the kids know what to expect. My kids are much happier when they know "the plan." But if something happens and we need to change our plans, reactions range from upset to denial to furious.
Part of growing up is accepting that a lot of things happen outside of our control. When we're young, we're told that we can be whatever we want to be when we grow up. As we enter the workforce, we realize that's not exactly true. You may not get a dream job because you don't know the right people or don't fit the mold that the hiring manager was expecting. If your dream job requires in-office work, you're limited by geography. You may have bills to pay that require a certain income level and prevent you from taking a dream job at a non-profit.
We come to acknowledge these realities about the workforce as we enter adulthood. It may cause us to reframe our thinking around the types of jobs we can pursue or even a career path altogether. I didn't pursue a writing job when I was done with college because I was convinced it was a low-paying career, and I wanted a family.
But what I'd like to explore are the more acute, unexpected, or uncontrollable experiences in the workplace, not the more significant trends or realities of the job market. Some things happen once we have a job that substantially impact our experiences because they're outside of our control.
What we can't control
One of the hardest parts about lack of control in the workplace is expecting one thing and experiencing another.
Terrible coworkers or a toxic work environment.
Being told that the job is fully remote and then ordered to return to an office.
Layoffs.
I think the last two are particularly hard because they feel like a bait-and-switch. I'm old enough to have absorbed the narrative that if you work hard, you'll be rewarded. That's not always the case. You could be the hardest-working person ever and still lose your job. You could start work thinking you have a fully remote job, only to have the company order you back into the office. Or even start an amazing job and later the company is acquired and everything changes. (As a very public example, Twitter comes to mind.)
As a parent, my life is filled with the uncontrollable. As a self-employed person, I thought that I'd be able to exert the most control over my time. To some extent that's true — I'm not forced to work specific hours and can flex my time as needed. But I struggle when "my plan" for the day is interrupted by stuff that happens in my life outside of work. When I worked in corporate jobs, parenting happened and could throw me off, but my jobs were flexible and there were other people who could help cover for me, if needed. As a self-employed person, it's just me. I'll meet client deadlines, but push back other things I want to work on. It's what I internally wrestle with the most.
What we can control
The narrative I've given my kids is that you can't control many, many things about your employer. Not "you'll be rewarded for loyalty" or "the cream rises to the top." Those things may happen, but if they don't, it might not be your fault: it's the environment. It's a terrible boss. It's a company that's run out of money.
However, there are a few things we can control — or at least try to control:
Our response: You don't have to be sucked into toxicity. And while it's incredibly hard, you can try to leave work at work. Toxic people have a way of seeping into our lives and can impact us outside of working hours. But if you can, you can try to separate work and your life outside of work. Disconnect however you can and tell yourself, "It's just a job." Try not to think about the people and/or the work on your time. Don't let work live rent free in your brain outside of working hours.
Our boundaries: If you do work outside of your job description or work long hours, it's corporate volunteerism. The company benefits from donating your time, and you're giving up time you could spend doing other things. Of course, there are times you can't say, "No" without risking your job, and you should do what you need to do to protect yourself. But you can do small things, like break the cycle of instant communication, like removing work email and Slack from your phone.
Our preparation: You have more freedom if you don't feel as much pressure to stay in a job. If you can set aside money in a savings account for an "I quit!" day or a potential layoff, do it. Always be networking with people. When I lost my job and began freelancing full-time, I was able to ramp up to a full roster of clients quickly because of how much I'd been networking in the months prior. Connect with people on LinkedIn. Spend a small amount of time each week engaging with people. Use a contact management system, if that's helpful for you.
One of the biggest things I think has changed over the past few decades is the reduced stigma around job hopping. "Trashing your resume" isn't as much of a thing. Hiring managers — at least good ones — understand that people leave for many reasons. I spoke with a woman this week who is on her fourth job in five years. One employer was acquired, and she hated the new ownership. Another, her boss left, and the dynamics of her job changed. She's thinking about leaving again. But her network is vast, and I'm sure if she starts looking, she could find something easily — or at least with more ease than someone without a network.
No matter what you do within your control, you should always look out for yourself. Your employer isn't going to look out for you. Protect yourself, put yourself first, and if things are unbearable and you're able to do so — leave. Take your skills and talents to an employer that will appreciate you more.
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